A Day of Loss

On Friday I had my last visit with Oregon Reproductive Medicine. It was the kids' last day of school and things were hectic. I left over an hour early and ended up getting there late due to insane traffic and almost running out of gas. Aaron decided to surprise me and meet me at the office. I'm so happy he showed up. I wouldn't have handled what came next without him. Upon getting on the table and putting my feet in the stirrups my Dr. Started the ultrasound, her demeanor changed within a few seconds after her search for baby A. She said, "lets try for baby B first". We were thrilled to hear a very strong hear beat and a moving strong baby B. (Can you see the arms and legs?)

She went back to baby A and said, I'm so sorry, but baby A does not have a heartbeat. She measured and said the baby stopped growing sometime in the week. Shocked she proceeded to tell us that this happens a lot. And there was nothing I could have done. If a baby has a chromosome abnormality it will stop growing by about the 8 week mark. She said that she isn't worried about baby B, and that she is comfortable releasing me to my regular OB. Tears and frustration inevitably followed. We had gotten so used to the idea of twins, planning on matching blue eyes and jungle print clothes.
After a good cry, a long chat with my mom, comforting cuddles with my hubby and some research on what happened, I have started to feel a bit better. Apparently there is a term for what we've been through. It's called Vanishing Twin. Most people don't know they have twins growing, in fact they barely know they're pregnant at this point in pregnancy. The twin doesn't make it due to the abnormalities before they even realize there were two. We were very lucky to know so early because of the close watchful eyes of our fertility clinic.
I feel so blessed to have a life growing in me still and remain prayerful that he or she continues to grow.
The reason why we didn't let anyone know we were going through the whole process to begin with was to avoid pity and questions when/if things didn't work out. We ask for your prayers for the continual growth of baby B, and not for the "are you ok?" questions. We appreciate your concern, but this is how we deal and process.