36 weeks!

I'm almost to the finish line! Baby girl is strong and growing well. 2 of my 3 friends that I've shared this experience with have had their babies. I am so ready for my turn! The pelvis pain, awake nights, brackston hicks contractions, heart burn,.. and the list goes on.. are really getting old. I still enjoy the feeling of her move and respond to everyone around, and the foods I eat. She is a sassy passionate little thing and I can't wait to hold her in my arms! All of the supplies have been bought, clothes washed and bed set up. The nesting has begun and I am out of things to do.. besides clean..... good thing I can't bend over or do much of anything at this point. :)

32 weeks....

Finally remembered to take a picture before church yesterday... me, very large!

31 Weeks....

On an emotional roller coaster of a day as this, I'm blogging about what I am Thankful for... This sweet baby Girl who is a miracle in every sense of the word.
After a slew of bad news, stress and emotional mayhem in one day, I was able to see my Dr. and hear a sweet heartbeat. My little pea is about the size of a large cabbage, 3.5 pounds and 16 inches long.... we wont say how much I've gained... I will post pictures when we take one I like.

Happy Halloween!

My costume this year Rocks! Doubt I'll ever top it. :)

27... Plus

Ok, so we took this picture at 27 weeks, and finally at 28 1/2 weeks I'm posting it. Since the last post I've enjoyed even more wonderful things about being pregnant. On the plus side of this list: registering for gifts Baby Shower, Baby hiccups, buying the cutest smallest purplest outfit, adorable maternity clothes, hearing the heartbeat and more. On the other side though, I should mention: Stretch marks, more nausea, massive weight gain, zero personal space, 3 am kick sessions, serious dental issues and more. I must say that I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knew I would have had a very difficult time appreciating pregnancy had I been able to be pregnant sooner. He knew it was going to be one of the hardest things for me do. So, he had me wait and pray and sacrifice for the blessing. I am so grateful for His Loving guidance and perfect plan. I love this baby girl with all my being, and she is worth it! It's hard to imaging doing this multiple times... perhaps I wont have to. 2 boys and 2 girls sound good to me! LOL On to the 3rd trimester. Wish me luck!

23 Weeks Today!

It's been a while since I posted last, but quite an adventure non the less. I am now 23 weeks along! I cut off all my hair (about 12 inches or so) at around my 20 week mark. Here is a picture of that week.  

We had the big ultrasound in the 20th week. And found out what the sex of the baby is! This is how we told the kids:

 

You heard right! It's a girl!

Don't you just love Evelyn's reaction? Did you catch Egan's "It's not Fair!" HA HA

Two little lines are girl parts!... bum on the right, legs to the left.

 Profile and Hand:

 Profile, Big lips! :)

 Baby Girl Kicking me!

The ultrasound tech was like "I do this all day long, but wow! Your baby Moves!" And she does! This, my Doctor and I have agreed is the reason why I'm still so very sick. When she moves (And I can feel it a LOT now) it throws off my equilibrium and I get motion sick. I've always been kindof like that anyway, so having another moving human inside doesn't help. LOL.

Get this though, what does help is having Aaron put his hand on my belly, talking to her etc and she calms down! I think she reacts to my reaction of Aaron. Gotta love that man :) She's gonna be a Daddy's Girl.

 

Here I am at 22 Weeks. It's ok to wear pink... It's a Girl!

And for your pleasure, this one was an accidental picture taken of me and babies the other day. My view 20 of the 24 hours in any given day right now:

 Baby Girl makes a great pillow at the moment. This is a wild ride, but I'm loving it.

Huge life Changes!

Another Miracle. So, Our lives have changed upside down again in just a matter of days again. Check out our most recent post on our family blog: http://www.crazyharward.blogspot.com/ We've been busy and happy, and tired.

18 Weeks Plus!

Has it really been over 4 weeks since I posted last? Holy Moley! Life has been crazy.
My last Dr. OB appointment was on the 15th. The Dr took one look at me and said, your looking good. :) I was weighed and I hadn't gained any weight, but I had gained a lot at the beginning, so I'm on a normal track now. My tummy has grown though, so I think the weight somehow redistributed... though I haven't the slightest idea how that would work.
After the Dr and I had a chat, she grabbed the dopplar and tried to find the heart beat... It seemed to take forever. She was smiling though, I was like "is there something wrong:" she said "No, do you hear all the whoosh, swish noises?" "Yeah, what is that?" "That's your baby moving all over the place, so much, I can't get the heart beat!"  Eventually she found it, for just a moment while baby was holding still on the left side. Apparently I have a very active baby! She showed me exactly where my uterus is laying, and how to tell when the baby is moving. Now I can feel baby every day! It's been really amazing and crazy weird all at the same time.
So, Our lives have changed upside down again in just a matter of days again. Check out our most recent post on our family blog: http://www.crazyharward.blogspot.com/ We've been busy and happy, and tired. I will post pictures as soon as I can remember to take one when I'm looking decent.

14 Weeks!

Today was my 14 week visit with the Dr. I was so nervous that I was getting a bit light headed. I guess it didn't help that it was lunch time. :) Within a few short minutes she put me on the table and found the heartbeat pretty quick this time with the doppler! Good and Strong. Relief flooded over me and I've been on a happy high all day. So glad all is well!
Above is a picture we took sunday.. I think I've finally beaten Aaron :) The shirt I wore emphasizes it a bit, and the buttons down the front added extra bulk. More pictures with 18 week ultrasound and baby's sex in 4 weeks!

Abundant Blessings

Its been a crazy few days, but I'll start by saying all is well! 

On Monday the 2nd I went in to see my OB Dr Culburt for the very first time. I was so sick with nervousness that I almost threw up in the waiting area. There were several pregnant ladies waiting. It felt so good to finally be apart of that group! 

Once I got in she immediately talked to me about my nausea and said she will put me on a type of sleeping pill called unisom plus vitamin B6. She said it should help. We then talked about ORM and the process I went through. She was so kind and interested. She then had me lay down to listen to Baby's heartbeat with the doppler... I was so nervous and anxious. She couldn't find the heartbeat at all. I started crying and freaking out. She said "don't you worry, it's likely my fault, lets go take a look at your baby" She kicked out her nurse setting up the ultrasound machine in another room for another patient and immediately put me on the table and found the baby. Baby pea was moving so much! Turning and twisting, sitting up and laying down. She said because baby was moving so much that's why she couldn't get a heartbeat with the Doppler and he happened to be sitting low. She tried hard to get a good still picture, but pea wasn't up for holding still. The ink ran out on the machine, so I just a took a picture of the screen with my phone. What you see in the picture is baby facing away from you, with the face up at the left. Just so darn cute! 

So because I've made it to 12 weeks the chances of miscarriage have gone down considerably and I can breath a huge sigh of relief! Thank heaven for answered prayers!

I was so happy and thrilled that I decided to go ahead and take the kids across the state to a 4 day family reunion without Aaron, camping! It was so great visiting with family that I neglected my body signals and preceded to get sicker until the last night at 3 in the morning ( i swear the whole camp heard me) I lost all the junk food plus I had injested the entire 4 days. Let me just say I will never EVER eat clam dip with ruffles again. TMI? Probably, but it's my blog. Hah! 

Even though I still feel sick and hugely tired I am grateful for the continued signs of pregnancy that remind me of the little blessing growing inside.

A Day of Loss

On Friday I had my last visit with Oregon Reproductive Medicine. It was the kids' last day of school and things were hectic. I left over an hour early and ended up getting there late due to insane traffic and almost running out of gas. Aaron decided to surprise me and meet me at the office. I'm so happy he showed up. I wouldn't have handled what came next without him. Upon getting on the table and putting my feet in the stirrups my Dr. Started the ultrasound, her demeanor changed within a few seconds after her search for baby A. She said, "lets try for baby B first". We were thrilled to hear a very strong hear beat and a moving strong baby B. (Can you see the arms and legs?)

She went back to baby A and said, I'm so sorry, but baby A does not have a heartbeat. She measured and said the baby stopped growing sometime in the week. Shocked she proceeded to tell us that this happens a lot. And there was nothing I could have done. If a baby has a chromosome abnormality it will stop growing by about the 8 week mark. She said that she isn't worried about baby B, and that she is comfortable releasing me to my regular OB. Tears and frustration inevitably followed. We had gotten so used to the idea of twins, planning on matching blue eyes and jungle print clothes.
After a good cry, a long chat with my mom, comforting cuddles with my hubby and some research on what happened, I have started to feel a bit better. Apparently there is a term for what we've been through. It's called Vanishing Twin. Most people don't know they have twins growing, in fact they barely know they're pregnant at this point in pregnancy. The twin doesn't make it due to the abnormalities before they even realize there were two. We were very lucky to know so early because of the close watchful eyes of our fertility clinic.
I feel so blessed to have a life growing in me still and remain prayerful that he or she continues to grow.
The reason why we didn't let anyone know we were going through the whole process to begin with was to avoid pity and questions when/if things didn't work out. We ask for your prayers for the continual growth of baby B, and not for the "are you ok?" questions. We appreciate your concern, but this is how we deal and process.

A Letter of Thanks

Friday was hard for more than one reason, the fact that I would likely not see the people at Oregon Reproductive for a very long time, or be comforted by their services really tugged at my heartstrings. They took such good care of me I couldn't just leave without letting them know how I felt. With a card, I prepared this letter.

Everyone at Oregon Reproductive Medicine,

Words cannot describe the gratitude I feel for your amazing service and kindness. Throughout our time with you we have felt so well taken care of. You have given us an amazing gift and have done it with class as professionals and what can only be described as friendship.

This morning I cried thinking that today could be my last appointment with you for a very long time. It is bitter sweet. I will miss you!

Thank you to my “Shoe Buddy” who knew me by site and always made me comfortable while she took my blood.

Thank You Nurses for your kind reassuring friendliness.

Thank You Dr. Barbieri for your positive, professional manner and for your expertise in making our dreams become reality.

Thank you Genevieve. You are incredible. The sound of your voice always made me feel comfortable and at ease with each step of this crazy hard process. Your compassion and friendship have meant so much. I feel as if I’m saying goodbye to a dear friend and not just my nurse.

Thank you embryologists who have taken and will continue to take fantastic care of the little bits of us that make up what is most important in our lives. Our family.

Thank you to all the staff who always greeted me with a smile. I know you see hundreds of people a week and have so many services but I always felt special and important.

My experience with ORM will not be forgotten.

THANK YOU with all my heart,

Time Flies...

when your having fun... or when your sick and eating all day long. From what I've read and what my nurse has told me I need to eat an extra 300 calories a day per baby. On top of my regular 2000 caloric diet. That's 2600 calories every 24 hours. That's 325 calories every 2 hours I'm awake.. This is crazy.. and my body will get sick and super nauseous if this doesn't happen. So I have this timer on my phone so every time I eat I re set it for 1 hr 45 min to remember to eat again. Insane much?! This isn't complaining.. just letting you all know one of those random things a pregnant mother of two goes through. :) Oh and apparently the fatigue is supposed to be doubled too..... "so that's why I had a two hr nap today on the couch and still feel like going to bed at 7:30".. lol

So on Friday I went back for another ultrasound appt. It's so cool I get to see babies so early and so often! Here is a picture of both babies:

You can almost see the profile of baby B.. or at least what looks like one. Baby A was floating softly super easy to measure.. but baby B was all spiratic and all over the place... makes me think about what their personalities will end up like. :)
I'm now just over 8 weeks along and the babies are about the size of a kidney bean each with good little sacks around them. My waist line grew a half an inch over the week... nice.. :) My next appt will be friday the 15th. I will then be released to my regular OB. Super excited!

Double the Trouble

We've had a blast this week letting all our family and friends know of our news. Most responses are shock, then disbelief and then big smiles. We are so grateful for all the love ans support!
I didn't think being pregnant was going to hit me as hard as it has. The fatigue is probably the worst. Getting anything done during the day takes massive amounts of will power and then in the evenings I'm sleeping by 10 and dragging myself out of bed in time to get the kids on the bus at 8:50. I've figured out that if I eat every hr to 2 hrs (something substantial, not just a piece of fruit) The nausea is avoided... but if I don't it hits me hard, and then I don't want to eat. The books say that with twin pregnancies, I need to eat an extra 600 calories a day!!! I have yet to reach that goal on top of my regular diet because there isn't much that sounds appetizing.. Sugar definitely is not my friend. No ice cream, candy, chocolate, cake, etc. It's sad. I'm not a fan of chicken, or rice.. potatoes not so much either. So finding the calories I can handle have been difficult. One thing I do like... Burgers! Red meat is always a good thing in my book. :)  But more than one a week is a little much.
So, because the babies are sitting one in front of the other, and I'm still very bloated from all the meds they had me on, plus others I'm still on.. I'm already showing! This is ultra fun, not many would notice, in fact I just look chunky right now, but I have definitely grown out of my regular pants.

My super good friend got me this shirt when I was going through the treatments and said "I'm gonna keep it in my closet until we know your having twins :)" She was super optimistic, and right! I LOVE the shirt! Really the best shirt I've ever owned. Here is a picture of me waring it, with my belly. It says "There's two peas in my pod." Here's to Best friends and my two Peas!

TWINS!!!

 

So this morning I was so nervous about the ultrasound test that I threw up for the first time, just after breakfast. Lovely. Nerves. So I left an hour early, (because I'm anal like that) and it's a good thing I did because there was a huge crash on 1-5 that slowed down traffic to close to a stand still... took me the whole time to get there. Just on time. Aaron met me there, took a long lunch. I waited on the table pant-less for what seemed like forever and the Dr. came in and shook my hand as if he totally knew what he was going to find. I immediately saw the two bubbles flicker on the screen and started crying. He said "Looks like there are two!"

 He then measured baby A and then was able to zoom in to a beating heart beat... and then he turned on the sound!! I heard the heart beat!

He then proceeded to go after baby B.. this baby is further back kind of behind the other baby, so its harder to see, but the baby measured at exactly the same size and the heart rate was exactly the same as baby A. He said that they are a little small, but the heart rates look great and strong. I will go in again for an ultrasound next Friday to see how they are growing. Probably bringing home more pictures! We are thrilled and so grateful for this miraculous gift we have been given from Heavenly Father. Egan and Evelyn were so funny, they knew I had the appointment today and when they got off the bus they were asking about it.. when we got inside I showed Egan the picture and he yelled "TWO BABIES! I KNEW IT!" He'd been praying for two for the last month now. His little testimony I'm sure has grown as ours have on how Heavenly Father answers our prayers.
I've been on cloud nauseous nine all day!  Calling everyone who knew about the appointment and now preparing this blog to go public. So here it is. For some of you reading this, this may be your first visit to my blog, and this is the first entry you read. This is certainly not the end of posting our story, but it is a happy ending to our ivf journey.. for now :) Feel free to start from the beginning and also read about the amazing gift that made it all possible.

3 Days and Counting until Ultrasound.

We took a little weekend jaunt to Utah and let all of Aaron's family know the good news. It was a very nice short trip. It also helped to pass the time away.. we still have 3 days until the ultrasound to see how many babies are in there. And if everything is okay. I'm getting nervous and anxious about it all..... Praying that all is well.

8 Days until Ultrasound...

There really isn't much to report... Just each day ticking by slowly. I'm looking forward to seeing the wee little one(s) on the screen, and see if all is right.
Tomorrow we leave for a VERY quick trip to Utah to tell Aaron's family the news. We wanted to tell them in person. Absolutely must see their faces! :) We'll be home Sunday night, and then it will be only 5 days :)

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day and this morning before Church Aaron and kids let me sleep in, and cleaned the house. And when I was up they gave me their presents. I got some beautiful cards and art projects from the kids that they made in school. And then Aaron pulled out this adorable gift. It's a super soft music box stuffed animal giraffe! So incredibly cute! Love it! I've been planning a nursery theme for quite a while now and have decided officially that we will go with Giraffes and a jungle them :) I also got a great new book and a sweet card from the hubby.
I feel so blessed this Mother's day to have the privilege to be a mother to two wonderful children and to be carrying my first child. With all the sacrifices we make to be mothers I must say it is ALWAYS worth it. I am also very grateful to the amazing mothers who have influenced my life. To my Dearest Mother, to my Grandmamom, Grandma Hill, Step Mom Lonna, and my sweet Mother-in-law Diana. I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

The Follow Up!

So, I haven't been on in a bit, because things have gotten crazy! But good busy crazy :) I went back to ORM on Friday to get another blood draw to make sure the numbers have doubled. I went with my friend Shanae and we had a blast.
After they drew my blood, I was able to talk with Genevieve about a few questions I've had. Yes, I can finally have sex again! Yes I have to keep taking ALL the medications. No, I may not start crazy zumba again... unless I take it way easy. :( I still have to keep my heart rate under 140.
So Shanae and I went out to have a little fun while we waited for ORM to call me back on the results. We took a look at a Maternity Store! It was so cool to just walk in! Expensive, but cool. We then went in search of lunch and ikea. While we were there I got the call! My numbers more than doubled and were at 608! Another happy dance. They said all will be well, and they will see me on Friday the 25th for an ultrasound and more blood work! They can't determine twins until the ultrasound. I'm just thrilled all is well! Two whole weeks to wait to see heart beat(s)!
Aaron and I had a bet the night before on where the numbers would be and the winner gets to pick a design of a t-shirt for the looser to wear. My guess was 675, and Aaron's guess was 550.. with playing  price is right rules... Aaron won..... his design has yet to be determined but I was gonna put on him "I'm so awesome, I got my wife pregnant and wasn't even there" LOL
Here comes another two week wait. Hopefully not as agonizing though. 

The Day of Miracles

Last Night I couldn't sleep.. So I stayed up and read my scriptures.. This typically gets me sleepy enough to pass out relatively quickly.. not last night. I read through to the end.. about a hundred pages. I found an amazing peace come over me after reading some scriptures that I have read before but they especially spoke to me this time. In Ether he speaks of Faith and how we will not receive what we are wanting until the trial of our Faith. And that we need hope. I knew that if I exercised my faith In my Heavenly Father all would be ok. After a prayer in my heart and reading the scriptures I fell asleep peacefully.At about 4 Aaron and I woke up and he asked me, "How are you feeling?" I said "Pregnant." Because at that moment I knew all would be ok. whether I was blessed to be pregnant now or later it will work out ok in the end. We dozed for a little longer..
I woke up at 6 to get ready and left for the Dr at 6:45. Traffic was insane, and I got there just in time for my 7:30 appt. They drew my blood and said we'll call you between 1 and 2.
I got home just after 8 and chatted with my friend Shanae, got the kids on the bus and then relaxed on the couch for what seemed like forever. I played games on my phone.. and watched a baby story on TLC.. torturing myself again I know.... but I couldn't help it.
At 11:15 (Early!) Genevieve, my Nurse from ORM called. She said when she saw my results come back she wanted to call me right away. My first words were, "Oh I'm so glad its you who called!" She has the nicest softest kindest voice I think I've ever heard. Anyway... she said that my levels looked great! I had a 296.8 HCG hormones which is definitely prego!They are looking for a number between 100- and 300... so we did good! She said my estrogen and progesterone look great and that they will be weening me off of those, but I will be taking them for the time being. I go back in on Friday for another blood test to see if the levels are doubling. If they grow a ton it may indicate multiples! From there we will schedule an ultrasound! That's I think at about 7 weeks. So, as of today I am 4 weeks 2 days pregnant! My baby is between the size of poppy seed and an apple seed. Love it! Sweet Baby Grow! I still can't believe it really.. its unbelievable.
I was so not going to tell Aaron over the phone, so he knew he had to wait until he got home to find out. So, after they called I just text him and said "they called" he text back "i'm coming home" He came home for a long lunch and I was able to tell him right away. Of course he would be the first to be told. We hugged and cried. It was amazing. The kids got home shortly after that and I told them... they were like... "where is the baby?" Silly kids. I'll post their reaction to it all soon.
So just for kicks and giggles I went ahead and peed on an EPT test I had tucked away from several months ago. I've never (obviously) gotten a positive result from one and guess what?! It was positive! Too Cool!

I am so amazed at the love Heavenly Father has for me, this is such an incredible blessing!

Tomorrow...

So, Tomorrow is the big day. In 12 hours they will be taking my blood to check for HCG hormone to see if I have a baby growing inside of me! My nerves are shot, I'm a complete mess. Today and the last week and half I've been going through fazes... one minute I totally believe I'm pregnant and another I just so can't wrap my mind around the possibility and don't think it could even be close to true... I cycle like this about every 5 minutes or so. Of course you can imagine my thoughts are ALWAYS on "AM I PREGNANT?!" I occupied my time today with a trip to the mall with a friend.. fell in love with some maternity pants at Old Navy.. saw some adorable baby clothes... and got a few things I actually needed like body wash and some sandals for the kiddos. I've also been spending some time killing pigs on my phone with the Angry Birds.. LOL. I don't think I'll sleep a wink tonight... sort of like last night when I stayed up until 1 reading what to expect when your expecting... torture?.. yes... can I help it? ...no.
This Mother's day will either be the worst yet, or the best yet in history. Aaron and I are planning a trip up to my parents house for the day on the Saturday before. I'm looking forward to seeing all the family... my sisters will be there including the one who just had a baby a few weeks ago. I'm going to try and focus on celebrating my mother, and not my own motherhood this year. So,... Deep breaths.
I will write again tomorrow... Hopefully with good news. They will call me between 10 and 3 with the results. Praying for our Miracle!

Mothers Day Lesson

Sunday I gave the Mother's day lesson to the Young Woman in our ward. It was a great experience, but bitter sweet. You can imagine the emotions and things was feeling.... luckily I asked all the women in the ward to participate. I asked them to email me a few words on how they felt about motherhood and their "divine roles". Each girl stood to read one. It was amazing. Here is the handout I gave each of the girls:

I bawled reading this quote to the girls:   “Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all. Yours is the grand tradition the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors. Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.” Jeffrey R. Holland

They must have thought I was a mess!

I closed with this one: "Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you. A woman's abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the Spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life were fiercest." J. Reuben Clark, "I say to you what the Prophet Joseph said more than 150 years ago: 'If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates'"

I am feeling not a whole lot when it comes to symptoms.. my chest is sore... and I'm tired.. but it can all be because of the meds I'm taking or just PMS symptoms on their way... I really don't know what Wednesday will bring. Trying to keep my head up. It just all seems so impossible.  Two days... Tomorrow... and then the test! 

5 days and Counting...

Everyone says that the wait is the hardest part... I think I'd have to agree with them. It's terrible! Every twinge, cramp, and pressure I pay attention to. Like there's a time bomb in there :)
I'm anxious for and yet dreading the test on Wednesday. Wednesdays are half days for the kids at their school.. so they will be home when I get the call. Aaron will not because he has to work and has taken quite a lot off for everything all ready. I'm not about to call him at work with the news... I'm still trying to figure this one out. If it's good news then the kids and I will celebrate... but if not... I hope I can keep it together for them.. and Aaron. Here's hoping for a celebration!

2 Down 7 to Go...

... Days that is. :) It was nice to get up and do things today... I think I may have over done it. Feeling crampy and sore. Tomorrow I will take it much easier!

Another Miracle happened today. My Grandpa sent a wonderful note with a donation toward the building of our family. He didn't know that we were in the process, just felt impressed "by the Lord" to help. Another amazing miracle, because we've found out that this process costs a more than expected with a little extra tests here, and more drugs there.
I know Heavenly Father is taking care of us and will always provide a way. I cannot express how grateful I am for all of the blessings he bestows. Tears of Joy.

A Log...

Yup, thats what I feel like today. I'm a log. I'm supposed lay down, with no more than a 45 degree angle all day in bed! I can only get up to pee. I did sneak in a tooth brushing and change during a trip to the bathroom. They told me at ORM that this helps the embryos to settle in and implant. I am able to take a shower and move around like normal tomorrow. (semi normal: no exercise, intercourse, stretching, bending etc until prego test.)
So here starts the countdown. My pregnancy test is the 9th of May, today is the first. So we are on day one... 8 to go!

Implantation Day!

Today was just fantastic! At about 9:30 this morning I got a call from the embryologist Alison. She said 13 of our embryos went to blastocyte stage! She said she never sees that and they look just "Beautiful!" This is ultimately twice as many as we were hoping for. So they sent us home with two... and froze 9 today.. two have another day to grow, hopefully to freeze tomorrow. That's 11 in safe keeping for the future! Here are a picture of the two they put in today. Aren't they so cute?!?!  Baby's first picture. I cried when I saw them for the first time on the screen.

So My appointment was at 1:15, Aaron came home from work early and drove me. On the way I drank a bottle of water so to have a full bladder for the ultrasounds and procedure.  When we got there they brought me and Aaron back to the special secret rooms again. They put me in a gown again with booties. They rolled me into the op room again and turned on the big light to illuminate my lady parts. (lovely) And in about 5 minutes these sweet embryos were inside. Dr. Barbieri said it couldn't have gone better and she is super optimistic.
For the rest of the day and tomorrow, and Wednesday afternoon I am to lay down... only to get up to pee... So here I lay on my bed with my lap top on my chest..
I am so very humbled and grateful for this wonderful experience. To have a possibility of carrying a child after 10 years of trying is miraculous. Needless to say I've done lots of happy crying today. :)

Day 4 Embryos

So tomorrow I go in. My appointment is at 1:15.. I have specific instructions on meds, and arrival time. Water etc. I'm hoping all will be well. Today the embryos are at day 4, they should have around 16 or more cells and becoming a solid ball before they are blastocysts.. tomorrow. Aaron and i will find out tomorrow how many made it to this final stage, of them which two we will put in and take home! lol We will also know tomorrow how many they will freeze for the future! So, tomorrow is a a big day.
When I get home I'll be on my back for... a while.. until wednesday afternoon I think. :)
Getting things ready for my "rest".

3 Day Embryos

So I found this picture on the internet of what 3 day old embryos look like. Our embryos today should look a little like this. About 8 cells. I'm super excited and praying all is well with them. I know they are in good hands. Looking forward to taking care of them myself. :) 2 more days.
I must say that preparing my insides (progesterone suppositories) is not fun! Messy and makes me a little nauseous. Here's to good growth!

Positive Note

So just a note for today... They've asked me to weigh myself each morning to be sure I'm not gaining wait, and guess what? I'm Loosing! LOL. I've lost 3 pounds since retrieval. I'm feeling much better too! I'm not kidding myself though.. I know it's just water weight and the Eggs they took out :)
Today I start an drug called estrace, it's for regulating pregnancy hormones. Along with some more antibiotics to prevent infection from the retrieval and a steroid called medrol.  I'm also starting the progesterone suppositories today... fun. :p.

Pins and Needles

I slept much better last night, cuddling with my hubby is the best medicine to a very sore body. I'm still sore today, but definitely more mobile. 
I waited patiently by the phone this morning for Oregon Reproductive's call. At exactly 9:32 the embryologist called with the results. We have 18 fertilized eggs! I said "wow!" and she said "Yeah, thats a LOT!" I'm super syked that everything is working so smoothly. She then said that typically half will make it all the way to the blastocyte 5 day mark where they put them in. That means 9 embryos! 2 to go in (on Monday) and 7 to freeze! We'll see how it goes. We'll get more results I think Friday on how they are doing.
I've continued on my special diet to prevent hyperstemulation and things are going well. I haven't gained the tell tell wait, or gotten overly bloated or in serious pain. I've continued on all the fluids and made sure I have an extremely limited amount of sugars and high starches.
I'm so grateful for all the help and support I've gotten so far in this process especially from my Heavenly Father and my wonderful Hubby. :)

Retrieval!

I'll start from the beginning... Which is actually each hour of the night.. I was up thinking I had overslept.. panicked and anxious. But by about 4 am, I was up for good. I laid there until about 5 and then got up to take a long shower, shaved my legs and slowly got ready. I needed the extra time 'cus I was moving slowly anyway. :) By bestie Shanae came over at 6 am to take over the kids and get them on the bus. We left at 6:15 for ORM. I was upset because I had completely forgot yesterday to wash my comfy yoga pants, and the only other pants that are that comfy (and clean) didn't match anything else. Oh well, it's not like I was wearing the stuff during the important part of the day. :) We got there right on time at 7 am. They led me, Aaron and Mommy to the back of the office and through special secret doors to the operating area. I felt all special to finally see this area. They immediately took my weight (not so fond of that!) and stuck me in a hospital gown. The right arm try for the IV didn't work.. so they poked again on the left. I'm definitely not scared of needles by now, so no biggy. I talked to the anesthesiologist and we was super awesome and friendly. Answered all of my questions. Dr. Hesla was the operating dr. on rotation. Super nice to have the best of the best do his stuff. Here is a picture of me waiting.. can you tell I'm excited?

They had me pee all hooked to the water saline solution and then walked me into the big dark room with monitors. I laid on the table and they had me scoot around and position me, while they were doing that the anesthesiologist said you feeling anything yet? And suddenly I felt fuzzy, the nurse said lift your leg please like this, I did and then I remember nothing else... until I hear Aaron's voice saying "26 eggs!!" I'm laying again in the recovery room where I put on the hospital gown. And I start bawling.. 26 eggs! It takes me a bit to get my barings. Apparently it took me a long while to come around because I don't remember how long Aaron had to leave to give his donation just after I came to, and come back 20 minutes later. The nurse told them that some people take advantage of the crazy talking with no memory (Cus I was talking crazy funny) and so Aaron asked me "What is your deepest darkest secret?"( I swear I don't remember this) And I answered "I'm in love with Aaron Harward!" They laughed and told me about it later. I guess that's my worst secret :).
The nurse then came in to give me some water and more instructions. We did a run down of the meds I need to take, what I can and can't do (I can't really do anything) She then said what appointments they have set for me. Tomorrow they will call me and let me know how many of the 26 eggs got  fertilized.
So today we conceived our future children! I have the beginnings of my babies growing and it feels amazing!
I am super sore and can't move much. I'm keeping hydrated and peeing every hour but for the most part I'm stationary on the couch.
So more updates tomorrow!

Loosing My Mind...

So with the hormone levels as high as they are, my mind, and body are not even close to a cohesive pair anymore. Last night I left out my milk on the counter wasting the entire thing... This morning in the shower I couldn't remember if I had just shampooed my hair... so I did it again... I think.
The anxiety is super high as I contemplate going into surgery tomorrow morning. I've never had surgery before, the only thing close to this is when I had my wisdom teeth pulled.... and that was terrible!
Good News... I'm officially on the second calendar ORM game me. So here is the meds and fun stuff I'll be doing in this crazy IVF journey over the next month... Notice: My Prego test should be on the 9th! It's so close... and yet so far :) 

I think probably the hardest part about all of this is having this secret to keep from most of my friends and family. The support and prayers would be awesome. I know though that if this all doesn't work out the pity and questions would be too much to bare. So if your reading this after the fact, you know why I couldn't tell you yet.. but if your reading this now, thank you so much for your prayers and support!

I'll write more as I can after surgery. :)

Dr. Visit 5

Today was the big day. I went in at 10:45 and saw my awesome Dr. Barbieri. She did the ultrasound and measured several follicles and the biggest ones were 18.5! So, I'm there! She says she anticipates getting 20 awesome eggs. (Which they say is a lot) They did my blood work and it came back at 5123! Which is over the limit, so I am at  high risk for hyperstemulation... which isn't good. They said to not take the menepure or follistem today. And My trigger shot (the shot that stimulates ovulation) will be tonight at 8:45. They only want me to take half that dose so as to help prevent the hyperstemulation. I'm ordered to take tons of water and Gatorade. Plus no sugars or white starches, lots of protein etc. If H. happens they would have to freeze the embryos and come back to implant them when I get better. I don't want that, lets do it now! So my retrieval day is wednesday at 7 in the morning. Super excited and nervous. I called my mom and she will be here for me, and my dad will come and give me a blessing with Aaron tuesday night. I hope all will be ok and move smoothly. I know Heavenly Father will prepare a way for this to work out ok.

One cool thing Dr. Barbieri said today: she said the way I feel bloated and pressure wise right now is how I will feel when I'm 12 weeks prego. Happy thought. :)

Dr. Visit 4

Yesterday, Saturday was my 4th Dr. Visit. Because it was a weekend I got to meet another dr. on call. His name is Dr. Hesla. World renowned for his work with infertility. This guy has a waiting list over a year long to be his patient. I was honored to meet him... but his bedside manor was lacking... Perhaps it was what he told me that upset me. My follicles are growing great, the biggest one was at a 16.. and I have about 16 on each side.. thats 32 total! My blood work came back at 1990!! (Normal highest peak levels of estrogen in a woman's cycle is around 500) They told me to lower my follistem dose to 50 and keep everything else the same. I was told at the dr. office to go get another vial of menopure. $80 dollars later I'm home and I get a call from ORM with my blood work and they say don't take that vial, just bring it in to my appointment on Monday. They may instruct me on the trigger shot then and I might not need it. Nice.
 I told Dr. Hesla that I was ready to not be so bloated (gained some weight, can't fit in pants, super uncomfortable bending etc) He told me that the bloating wont go away.... WHAT?!  Apparently even after they take all the fluid and eggs it doesn't go down, and then even during the 2 week wait the meds will keep that from happening... He then said the bloating will (obviously) continue once I'm pregnant.. but if I don't get pregnant, it will be about a week for my body to go back to normal.... Lovely. I cried a bit.. I've been mourning my body and the loss of it's normalcy. I had to go to walmart and pick up some extra large pants.. I had to get a size I have never bought before.. I'm the biggest I've ever been, I don't care that it's water retention and growing ovaries. (Can you tell I'm an emotional crazy person?).. Okay.. done venting. ...  I am super happy that everything is moving smoothly. Looking forward to Monday.

Dr. Visit 3

So my appointment with Dr. Barbieri went well today. Once again they measured the follicles. The biggest ones were about a 12, they're looking for them to get to be at 18...  We we're almost there. My estrogen levels were huge at 890! Told Aaron at lunch today I feel like melon balling my eyes out. Feels like my emotions are dripping from my finger tips. Holding my tongue is getting harder and harder. Lol.
I'm always learning new things about this process and so what I thought was going to happen has changed a bit. I found out that there is an entire day between the trigger shot (ovulation) and my surgery retrieval. So the calendar looks a little different. So, depending on my appointment set for Saturday at 7:30 in the morning, (yuck) I may need to go back Sunday for the trigger and have the retrieval Tuesday, or if things are ok then they will do the trigger Monday with the retrieval Wednesday. The good news is that extra day in between has NO Shots! It'll be a good day :)

Dr Visit 2

 

Today was my second dr. visit checkup for measuring follicles and blood work. I took a picture with my phone of the ultrasound. This is the right side now measuring 10 follicles and they're looking good I'd say! She said they are exactly where they need to be, not growing too quick. My left side has 16! So that's great news. We've let the kids in on the secret, so they can understand why mommy is feeling yucky, and grumpy a bit. I showed them this picture and explained that the doctors are helping me grow eggs inside my belly so we can have a baby. They got all excited. Egan later said as I was putting him to bed tonight. "What are they going to do with the eggs?" I said they will mix part of Daddy and Mommy's Eggs together to make a teeny baby and then put them back inside mommy to grow. His eyes got so big and said "I hope Daddy doesn't get hurt!" I laughed. "Nope, Daddy wont feel a thing." LOL

My blood work came back just right today too. On Sunday my estrogen was at 90, a little low, so that's why they upped the follistem. Today it measured at over 300! Right on track... but boy do I feel it. Emotional is not a word strong enough to describe it.  

Last night I went to target to get myself a pair of yoga pants that I can wear for better comfort for my appointments. I'm feeling very bloated in the area, and just want to keep things loose. I love having an excuse to wear pj type clothes!

Because they upped my follistem dosage I needed to go to the pharmacy to pick up another vile of follistem. This teeny vile is about the size of my pinky, fits inside a syringe pen, and is only about 1/2 full of medicine. But the thing is around $300. Once again today I was humbled and so very thankful for the amazing generosity of a special someone whom I will never be able to thank... 

My next appointment is Thursday... Same time in the morning. Hope all continues to go well!

Dr Visit 1

Today was the first of many checks on my follicles that are growing my eggs on my ovaries. I got up super early for an appointment at 8 am at ORM. It was a lot busier then I thought it would be. Apparently the weekends are just as busy as during the week! But I guess cycles wait for no one. :)
The ultrasound technician did the vaginal ultrasound and counted the the follicles and measured them. I have 14 on the left and 8 on the right! She said that was a good number, and that there were some that will grow that she hasn't seen yet. They measured a good size and so all is well. I'm doing the drugs right! I then got my blood drawn again to measure my estrogen. They called and gave me the results just a few hours later and let me know its looking good and they are going to keep me on the same dose of Menopure (thank heavens, that one hurts!) and they are upping the follistem by 30%. Fun fun... this means I will need to get to the pharmacy after my next visit to get some more..
Kindof a weird sunday.. It's stake conference and the kids tend to be way too wild for a two hour meeting and so Aaron and I trade off for who gets to go. It was his turn this time. Lucky Duck :)
Oh another weird thing happened today. When I got in the van this morning to go to the appt, I heard my dr. Dr. Barbieri on the radio! She was doing an interview (obviously prerecorded) but it was cool to hear her voice and have her talk about the success of the clinic and why she loves doing what she does. Its was cool to be headed there with confidence.
I've been feeling crampy, big headaches and I have to pee all the time because of growing pressure, and because I need to drink lots of fluids to prevent hyerstemulation. I'm worried about bending or twisting.. my nurse told me that if I do a lot of jostling the Fallopian tubes and become twisted with the bloated ovaries on the ends loosing blood flow...  so I sit and type...
But overall.. A good day :)

The Big Guns

Today I started the day with an HUGE injection of Menopure.. It wasn't that the needle was big, it was just a large amount of fluid going in. Up until now I've been injecting .1ml of Lupron.. this mornings Menopure was 1ml. Just a little bruised in the area. I will continue to take Menopure as long as the Dr. recommends.(between 9-12 days)
I'm also taking for the first time tonight Follistim. It comes with an injector pen. This with the Menopure are supposed to make my ovaries grow lots of eggs to harvest. Side effects say irritability, and difficulty sleeping... :) Besides a little headache.. I feel fine.. so far :) I'm also still taking asprin, dexamethazone (sterioid) and my prenatals. 
Its nice that it's friday. Aaron has the day off tomorrow! It'll be nice to have some family time.

Suppression Check

Today was my suppression check appointment. Basically the Doctor does an ultrasound to check to make sure all my insides are suppressed and working to their liking for the big drugs to start working. They also do blood work to confirm that my estrogen is suppressed enough. My appointment was at 9:45 my good friend Shanae put the kids on the bus for me so I could get there on time. The traffic was crazy, but I made it. I was so nervous for some reason, thinking my body might not have responded like they hoped.... I said a prayer in the van before I went in and took a few deep breaths. (those vaginal ultrasounds are NEVER fun).
In the waiting room it was the most packed I'd ever seen it.. there was about 6-8 women waiting.... All in different levels of the process, there was a couple filling out paperwork for their first appointment, and a women in her pjs apparently going in to get her eggs harvested that day. There was an older couple who sat close together whispering. I felt very blessed to be able to be apart of such an amazing clinic who does such a good job. ORM is awesome and in the top 10 fertility clinics in the US!
So when it was my turn everything went smoothly.. infact so smooth I was in and out in about 45 minutes!
All my questions were answered by my personal nurse Genevieve. She's amazing. I'll be able to color my hair tonight ( I was worried about that!) She also gave me some light exercise ideas I can do. I'll be walking a bunch :) All my tests came out perfect. I'm suppressed just where I should be and I'm on track to start the big drugs to stimulate all the eggs to grow on friday!
We changed my appointment days to correlate better with my drugs calendar. My next appointment is Sunday at 8 in the morning before church. It's so crazy that the clinic is open on the weekends.
Here's to a good day :)

Doxycyline

So today Aaron and I have taken our very last Antibiotics.. these help to make sure we have no infections/bacteria for the big day of retrieval. So glad to be off of them for a while.. make my tummy hurt. I have some left over for me to take after the retrieval for just-in-case stuff too.
Feeling pretty good today. Got all the laundry done and ran a few errands. Yeah for another day checked off the calendar!

Aunt Flo

Today it started.. yup that dreaded period.. the good news is it could very possibly be my last one for a long long time :) So, I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth! Ha!
So because I can't exercise for a while I decided to pump up the tunes and clean house today. It got my heart rate up just a bit and I now have a clean house (for the moment). It's been nice to have the kids gone and finally get some stuff done! So overall today is a good day.
Wednesday is the Suppression check.... blood work and ultra sound. fun fun...

bleh...

Today had been a difficult day. It was my very last Zumba class for a long while. I'm not supposed to exercise twist, invert, jump or get my heart rate over 140 anytime after my suppression check appointment on wednesday.. so my Zumba class is only on fridays..(I do my own routines on mondays and wednesdays) so today was my last class. *Tear* I actually taught a routine I choreographed today too. Zumba helps me feel good about myself and gives me the endorphins to be happy... going without zumba/exercise will be one of the hardest parts of this process..... well except for maybe going under anesthesia and the waiting! :)
I've been feeling super icky.. sore, groggy, and in an emotional fog... I think, no, I know I've gained wait since being on birth control. That doesn't help either I'm sure.
So now I'm done venting... just wanted to share my feelings of the day. :)

Birth Control

Today is my last day on birth control.. boy am I glad of it. I think I've gained some weight because of it, and I've been ultra emotional. So, I will be expecting my period in just a few days... if all goes well this will be my very last period for a very long time :)
I've been tired, headachey and sluggish..... here's hoping tomorrow's a better day.

April 3

So, I've been on the meds now for 3 days. Let me tell you, it's been interesting.
I'm not one of those people who takes a lot of meds... in fact I only dose up with some ibuprofen that one day a month when it's necessary, (ladies you know what I mean) so to have aspirin, birth control, prenatal s, antibiotics, suppression shots and steroids in my system all the time... I can FEEL it. My body is ultra tired.. it feels kind of like right before you get sick and your body is fighting off something. I'm tired, anxious and fidgety. I'm not doing too good at focusing or getting much done. Of course it doesn't help that it's spring break and the kids are home. :)
I was worried about Aaron and his endless allergies to most all medications, but he doesn't have any effects to the antibiotics he's taking. Thank heavens!  I get a little nauseous when I take them in the am.
I've been torturing myself today... I watched half an episode of the Baby Story on TLC... I stopped watching that several years ago, it just got too hard to watch. Now, though, I'm interested in seeing it again, and seeing what women are going through. I've also looked at the few maternity clothes on ebay and old navy... want to use my birthday gift cards... but It's definitely too early to be shopping for that stuff.  In fact I've told myself that I will buy NOTHING baby or maternity until I get a positive pregnancy test.... Here's hopin... come on May~

It Starts Today!

With Anxiety and excitement I started the meds today.  Last night Aaron and I sat together planning the exact times I'll be taking each medication and setting timers and reminders on my phone to make sure nothing gets forgotton. Here is a picture of my medication calandar. Each line on each day represents a different drug.

I woke up at 7 am to start the antibiotics... I now know I need to make sure I have food with them.. boy was my tummy upset! Aaron has to take these too. They are to help make sure there is no infection/bacteria in our bodies (for both of our donations) when the time comes for the retrieval and implantation.

I cannot have any milk products within 2 hours of taking the antibiotics, so I wait this morning to take have a bowl of cereal. I am then able to take birth control, (I've been on these for about 2 weeks already, this is to help control my cycle) And then I took my prenatals, (also been taking these for a long while). At this point I take the asprin as well. These are for help with discomfort.. its a low dose, but something I have to take everyday. 

Tonight after the kids go to bed I'll be giving myself my first shot of Lupron. Lupron prevents the usual hormone exchange that causes follicle prodution and ovulation.  This helps my doctors control exactly when I will ovulate. I'll also take my night time dose of the antibiotic too (aaron too).

At bedtime I'll be taking Dexamethasone, its a low dose steroid that suppresses the productions of androgen hormones and has beneficial effects on egg quality.

I'll be following this plan for the next few days. On thursday, I'll stop the birth control and wait for my period. 

Here is a picture of all the drugs to be taken over the next month or so. It's so daunting, but such a miracle! Let me tell you, the price tag for just these drugs was huge. I'm so grateful for the gift from someone so kind, and from our Heavenly Father to make this possible.

Today we get to listen to the General Conference. My joy is full and am so happy for this opportunity.

April 1

Starting April first Aaron and I start all the big meds. Here goes nothin.....